http://playgroundconf.com/

Or
on Facebook: Playground Conference

Sexy people, sexy talk, sexy learning…

I have a feeling some musing will come of this weekend. I look forward to sharing them.

Here, for the most part, is the content of that email, including links to toys, sex shop sites, and lots of advice.  A great bunch of info for anyone doing some toy shopping. Enjoy!

Toys are a great way to explore your sexuality on your own - while single or in relationship.

The broad selection of toys can be overwhelming.  To start, I usually recommend considering a few questions:

1) what do you want to do with it? internal /external, maybe both? do you want it to vibrate?

• I usually recommend a vibrator for first toys, usually pretty fun and if you don’t like the vibe part, and it’ got some length/versatility, you can just use it for penetration.

Where do you live? If you are in a city  most have a decent sex shop, and if you are lucky, they might have a women-oriented shop.

Here are a few great places to look around. Most will ship internationally.

For my Canadians: Toronto, Ottawa, and Halifax have good women-oriented sex shops. Most also offer online ordering so you don’ t have to leave the house. Although, a hands-on experience when they have demos of the toys displayed is really helpful when you are starting out.

www.goodforher.com – Toronto

www.ecosex.ca / www.redtentssisters.com – Toronto

www.venusenvy.ca – Ottawa /Halifax

And in the US:

http://www.babeland.com

http://www.goodvibrations.ca

These are also great places to look for sex advice, tips, blogs, and new toys.

For specific toys recommendations (going back to the questions above):

I would suggest checking out the selection at www.goodforher.com and specifically the links below. Most sites listed will have the same toys or similar ones.

• for soft vibes that are good for internal and external play, http://goodforher.com/catalog/vibrators/soft_vibes
• for small vibes mostly designed for external use only (meaning clitoral stimulation), http://goodforher.com/catalog/vibrators/small

My top suggestions for starter toys are the toys that go by the names:

•  Moxie- versatile, little, great material, good value for the money, http://goodforher.com/moxie_vibrator

• Ocean Rechargeable – similar to moxie but slightly more curve, “dual action”, rechargeable (no batteries, http://goodforher.com/ocean_rechargeable_dual_vibrator

• Power Bullet G – versatile, high vibration, curved for g-spot, inexpensive, http://goodforher.com/power_bullet_g

•  Galan Silicone Vibe – if you want more length, http://goodforher.com/galan_g2_vibrator

These are just a few suggestions to get you started. Have a look around the site and read the descriptions.
You may not purchase for Good For Her, and that is fine, but I think there selection and site is pretty good. (unfortunately, their “buying a vibe” page is out of date – I just sent them and email and they in the midst of updating).

Seeking a toy review? Further suggestions. Please leave comments below.

Hope you enjoy your journey in toy land.

Recently I attended an evening conference entitled PORN REBORN – New Movements and Markets in Pornography presented by The Sexual Diversity Studies Student Union at the University of Toronto.

I guess I am going to have to admit to watching porn.  Yes, I have watched quite a bit.  Working in a retail environment where I am recommending movie to people seemed like a good reason to start.  Years later, I still like to watch it.  Sometimes for professional reasons, sometimes personal.  The one thing I have noticed is that there is a lot more choice available, especially for women.  We have more options than ever before!  It is true that the majority of pron is made with men in mind.  What if it was made with women in mind?

Tristan Taormino, the keynote speaker,  asks and answers this question. Tristan has contributed immensely to what is now considered to be “feminist porn”.  This term is often considered an oxymoron, impossible, or somehow threatening to how we perceive porn. Tristan took us on a journey through the history of feminist porn, from Candida Royalle, to Playgirl, and then on to Tristan’s own films which move away from the typical “soft and romantic” style associated with “women’s” porn. I just love history, especially when it has to do with sex and feminism! Through one of the largest mainstream porn companies in the U.S., Vivid, Tristan has been able to create instructional movies and unique porn that appeal to women as well as men.  She asks what if the porn stars get to decide who they have sex with, what they do and when they do it?  This gives the performers more control over their representation and control over their working environment!

While there is nothing wrong with the “softer” side of porn, a formula created by pioneer Candida Royalle in the early 1990′s, some women actually want to watch something more explicit.  As Tristan point out, most mainstream companies now have “couples” lines based on this formula, where story is the main focus, soft lighting and no up-close genital shots.

Some of us might like something a little more explicit, no?   Tristan’s line of Chemistry films are revolutionary.  I was calling them “cross-over” films for the last few years – porn stars, explicit sex, no scripts and *gonzo format make them a little mainstream.  But there is one main difference, the performers make most of the decisions! She even interviews them.  As Tristan puts it, these performers don’t need scripts, and should not be required to “act” in some made up characters, they ARE characters already.  And  ”acting” is not what they are best at.  Why not let them do what they do really well – and we call guess what that is! Something happens when the viewer gets a chance to get to know them and we might get a little more invested in watching these people have sex.

*Gonzo is a way of shooting porn where the camera is acknowledged and the performers might actually speak to the camera.

I highly recommend watching one of Tristan’s Chemistry films, there are four volumes so far, #1 is my favourite.  Maybe it is the fact that the format was so new and groundbreaking, or the combo of the performers, who knows.  It was just plain HOT!

Tristan also has a full line of “Expert Guides” as well, and maybe next time I will post a full review.  They are sexy, full of great education, and might even turn you on!

Find Tristan’s films at your favourite sex shop.  Here are a few of mine:

Canada:

www.goodforher.com

www.redtentsisters.com

U.S.

www.puckerup.com

I want to thank the Sexuality Studies Student Union, and the panel of speakers from the event for a fabulous evening.  I think I might need to look into seeing some on Bruce LaBruce’s films in the new future!

The Panel:

TRISTAN TAORMINO, an award-winning author, sex educator, and feminist pornographer.

BRUCE LABRUCE, a Toronto based pornographer writer, photographer, and artist.

SHERRIE QUINN, a 4th-year Philosophy and Sexual Diversity Studies student.

BRENDA COSSMAN,  the Director of the Mark S.Bonham Centre for Sexual Diversity Studies, and professor of family law, gender and law, and law and film.

And remember, not all porn is created equal!

The puppet is made of hand-sewn velvet and silk…and has a g-spot too! Something about the puppet that causes surprise, discomfort, laughter and questions. Perhaps we do not see enough visuals of female genitalia that exhibits taste and style?

What if we all had the chance to slip a hand into a puppet such as this and spend some quality time getting to know all of the structures, feeling, exploring, and relating it to our own bodily experiences?

For the puppets:
http://www.yoni.com/loverf/vulvaintro.shtmlhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vulva

what is a vulva:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/teen-talk/body-mind/anatomy/vulva-an-owners-manual-25172.htm

My output has been a little lax lately and I seem to be in an “I want to learn” mode, particularly seeking opportunities to increase my knowledge, get into student mode and take it all in.

As I said recently at a work meeting, “more sex education is always welcome”.

While teaching the popular Rock His World workshop earlier this week, I shared my perspective on sex and learning: there is always more to learn.  If any of us received any “official” sex education through the formal school system, it was most likely reproductive education, void of pleasure spots, orgasm how to’s, and creative ideas to heighten pleasure.  Where are we supposed to learn about sex?  When? How?

What about how some of us avoid even learning from ourselves, with ourselves (yes, masturbation included).   Taking the time to get to know yourself is not seen as fruitful or worthwhile in many circles.  More often seen as something “odd” or what other people do.  In all of the hustle and bustle, how dare you take the time to touch yourself?

We have to learn how to ride a bike, boil and egg, sew a button or change a light bulb. Sometimes sex knowledge is assumed to be something we are born with or that will just happen ever so perfectly if we are with the right person.  I might know the right person to go on a road trip with but we have to figure out who is going to drive and who is going to read the map and decide together if we are going to take the scenic route or the most efficient one.

Cheers to all of your road trips this summer!

I have noticed that people tend to try many things to create a situation where they can get t he outcome they wish but want to do it without direct, honest communication.  What have we got to lose?  Is letting someone know our true feelings really that bad?

What has this got to do with sex, some of you may ask?  The easiest way to get the pleasure/ touch/simulation you want from a partner is to actually ask for it. *Gasp*, yes I am encouraging actually talking about sex!  The realm seems one of the most taboo to dare to name your wants.  Understandably, since even in a society obsessed with sex, we are not actually taught how to communicate about it.  If we are not taught how to communicate in general, where does that leave our sex lives?

I understand the struggle and I am aware of the stakes, but I also know the payoff.  It is so gratifying to say “can you touch me there” and have someone willingly do it!  Leaving our egos at the door, and the idea that we should be able to read someone’s mind and know what they want without asking. Asking another what they want and keeping an open mind is just as important as asking for yourself.

Something to ponder next time you know what you want but are afraid to ask.  Comments welcome!

For more information about workshops with me, please contact me at mckeetara@gmail.com or check out the latest listings for general public workshops at sexualityworkshops.wordpress.com.

I have spoken directly to the birthday girl and she is into it!  Then we had to compose an email to send out the girls and their parents to let them know what kind of stuff we would be talking about.  I commend this mother for taking an active step in educating her daughter and her friends.  It reinforces the fact that talking about sex does not make youth go out and do it.  They are already doing it whether we educate them about it or not.  If educators, parents, care givers, and all adults that have influence over youth start taking a more active approach and provide information, then youth can make informed choices.   What I also appreciate is that sometimes it is easier to have someone else come and do the talking…some one more distanced from the youth, this saves everyone some awkwardness and usually makes for greater participation and a more exciting workshop.

I will write about how it goes after I do the workshop in mid-March.  Maybe this will be the new birthday trend?  I remember slumber parties, movie nights, going to a comedy club, and even a roller-skating party or two from my youth.  Giving youth life skills in a fun way might one of the new options for how to spend out time and celebrate.

Sex skills are life  skills, learning about our own bodies is a life skill!  Knowing what we like and what we don’t like when it comes to sexuality is a survival skill.  Learning about how to set boundaries, negotiate, and ask for what we want is something that many of us are still  learning as adults.  Kudos to those who take a step to give youth a head start in the right direction!

One lovely gentleman commented afterward “great presentation, you must have done thins before once, twice or many times”.  So true!  I cannot even give an accurate number of total workshops.   If I guess at 4 -8 times per year, times 6 years…that is 24-48 workshops on G-Spots alone.  Not to mention discussing G-Spots as often as possible!

In case you were wondering, the ” G”  actually stands for Grafenberg, Ernst Grafenberg, a doctor who studied this spongy tissue around the urethra in the 1950′s…it was named after him by the authors of  “The G Spot” (circa 1980′s).  I like to re-name it the goody-spot, goddess-spot…or perhaps “right there” might be appropriate and the most exciting.

There were a few seasons where it seemed that G-Spots were out of style, the workshops were not filling up.  I was surprised since I knew that not every women, let alone every man, knew where this spot was and had given it a fair shake.  I am glad to see that they are back in and a room full of folks were eager to learn.   Welcome back G-Spot…I know you are here to stay, and there is always more to discover.

For more workshop listings please follow these links:

www.goodforher.com

sexualityworkshops.wordpress.com

Usually size is the biggest concern, as well as symmetry. In labia land, size does seem to matter.  The latin words used to describe the two sets of lips are sizeist.   Here’s a little review:

Labia Majora makes it sounds as though we are talking about some  “major labes” .  As far as location, these are the lips that are on the outside, or further away from the vaginal opening.  These lips usually have pubic hair on them (depending on what you have done with it!).  I like to call these “outer labia” .  Why not stick to location, vs. size?  We all know that size is relative but the location of eyes, ears and noses are pretty standard.

Labia Minora referres  to the labia that are further in, closer the the middle and the vaginal opening.  I call these inner labia to be specific. The problem is there are many different shapes and sizes of these labes.   Some women have very small  inner labia, almost so tucked in that you may miss them.  Other women have larger outer labia that may make you wonder who was labelling these in the first place and how well did they know their latin?  Some labia are flowing and may resemble petals, others may remind you of theatrical drapery or curtains (what kind of miraculous surprise might appear from behind them?).  Any other ideas come to mind?  How would you describe the last labia/labes you saw?

I like the word “labes“… I started using it when an awesome and creative  woman I know published a zine called “She’s Got Labe“.  What a wonderful, empowering and reclaiming use of  LABIA!  While anyone may “have the guts” and the guys may “have the balls”, some women have the labe!

There are some really positive discussions and depictions of teh vast cariety of labia.  I was sad to hear the photography book “Femailia“  has gone out of print – a full colour book of around 50 different vulvas.

As for negative images, or those that may contribute to women’s insecurity, one thought is that perhaps it is over exposure to “porno pussy” that has created this problem.  Anyone who has seen more than one mainstream porno film can see that there is a culture of “normal” labia being reinforced.  While I am a big proponent and supporter of porn, there are many aesthetics in mainstream porn that are not only damaging to women, but to men as well.  That may be the topic of a future blog.

I strongly suggest that we all take a good look at some labes!  If you have some of your own, you don’t have to go very far to see them.  A hand mirror and maybe a flashlight will really help you out.  If your partner has some labes that she will let you look at and treat respectively, lucky you.  Admiration might be nice too.  If you would like to see examples of larger labia, check out these sites:

http://largepussylips.blogspot.com/

http://www.sexylabia.com/

And find out how you can promote labia-loving, and discourage women from labia shame!  Some women consider surgery as the way to normaize their labia.  How far does this beauty /plastic surgery obsession need to go.  Check out  http://largelabialove.blogspot.com

Love those labes ladies!  And for all you labia lovers out there, spread the word!